Crazy Cat Killer

Everyone who knows me knows I have never been what you would call a "cat person". I prefer dogs, but I really am not an animal lover at all. (Usually when I say that, people judge me as being a heartless, Godless being who needs to be destroyed). It is not that I want to inflict harm on any animal, I just prefer that someone else be responsible for them. Now, having said that, the desire to inflict harm on an animal has never been an issue.....until today.

Our neighbors have a cat who was a stray and has now become a neighborhood pet of sorts. Carter and Pat love this cat. They have named him Garfield. They play with him and feed him. I don't kick him. Because of Carter and Pat's affinity for this one feline, we now have another ugly, stupid, and downright vicious cat who has started crawling around our house. ( I imagine at night that he shows his true colors as some type of demonic creature sent from the underworld.)

Now, before I go into this story, you must remember that the baby is now four weeks old and I am fully sleep deprived. That is part of my defense. Anyway, I have been working on cleaning the house all week and because today is trash day, I got all of the trash together yesterday and took it out. When I walked out the back door, carrying the baby in one arm and two bags of trash in the other, what did I find? Crazy demonic cat coming away from the trash can and trash strewn all over the yard!!!!!

I don't really know how to explain what happened next. It was as if something snapped and I became Loraina Bobbit or something. I stopped, dropped the trash, walked back into the house and laid the baby down and walked, no really more like ran, back outside. I wanted to throw something at that stupid cat but there was nothing I dared throw out of fear that Pat would kill me if I broke our new gas grill or his plants growing on the back deck. So, I resorted to the only thing I could find. I took off one of my shoes and began chasing this cat through the back yard toward the woods.

I didn't realize how hard it is to run, post-partum in one show down a slight hill chasing a demonic cat. However, just as I felt I had him cornered into the woods, he turned on me! I instantly felt fear that this cat was going to overcome me and eat out my eyeballs or something so I screamed and began running back up the hill toward the house, carrying my one shoe. Just as I reached the deck, I turned and looked and there sat Garfield....on the steps....licking his tiny little paw as if he were watching a show at the theater or something. I started yelling "Garfield move, move now!" He just sat there, indignant, as if he owned those steps. There I was, stuck between two cats, praying for my life when I remembered, "My shoe!" I rared back and threw the cat at Garfield to get him to move from the steps so I could get in the house. He took off, clearing my entrance to safety. I opened the door and ran inside, locking both cats outside. Today, I feel like a total survivor. :)